The world as I see it.

How can I start this post, when I am going to put all of me out there? How do I expose all my weaknesses with dignity? It may not sound good, but here it is.

Most of you know I have been going thru my own private hell since January 19. To say it has been the hardest 10 months of my life is an understatement. I have learned things about myself that I am grateful for, but I have also learned things about my life that have made me physically ill. I have had euphoric highs and mind blowing lows. I have had the blessing of my awesome parents and kids, and my true friends have revealed themselves to me and pulled me thru the roughest days and nights. I have so much to be thankful for, but I still mourn all that has been lost.

I’m not happy yet, I don’t know if I ever will be again. Of course I know that everything will work out in the end, but I just don’t know when the end might be. I honestly believe what my mother says, “God doesn’t give you anything you can’t handle,” but good grief it’s gotten close a few times. Some days I’m strong, some days I’m not.

The last two weeks have been especially hard. I need something to happen that I have no control over, but it looks like it’s not coming to fruition. I know it will come sooner or later, I just wish it would happen before Wednesday at 9 a.m. There is nothing I can do to rush this along, but I wish there was.

Even though I know it would lead to nothing, I still want to have a conversation with Charlie Gribble. I have so many questions for him, as I am sure he does for me. It’s too bad his unpredictability and my order or protection against him will prevent this from ever happening.

You know, we were good together. We were both so happy. The world was ours for the taking.

Had an unproductive meeting with Chas and his attorney. To say it was a joke is an understatement. Man I can’t wait til November 18th. Maybe I will finally be free of all the baggage that is Charlie Gribble. I just have a few thing to say about today’s festivities. First, what the crap is wrong with you? I mean physically. Have you had a stroke or something? Has all the stuff that I can’t talk about here finally gotten to you? Have you had some kind of break down? You know if I had the people chasing after me that you have chasing after you I would have a break down to. Another thing, your list is a joke. Come on, get real. Sure, I have a bead frame and one pot that I will gladly give back to you, but all that other stuff, I doubt it really even exists. But do you actually think I would ever give you any of the pictures that I have taken over the last three years? You are dreaming. For one thing, they are mine. And for another, you must be dipping into your deliveries if you actually think I would ever give them to you. They don’t belong to you. But, when I get time I will post some more of them on here so you can enjoy looking at them. Maybe the barking dog can help you lick your wounds. Maybe she can take care of you. Or maybe she is going down with you. She has a history of mental illness so it shouldn’t be a long trip for her. Why do you need a load of firewood? Don’t you think that gave away your hiding spot? It doesn’t matter, the people who need to know where you are at all times, already know where you have been spending your time. Good try. If you want to hide you are going to have to try harder. And from what you have sang about, I think you should be scared. Just like I have said before, I don’t wish you happiness I just wish you get everything you deserve.

Today might be the day when I actually get to post here all the information I know. Maybe, no promises. It all depends on what happens at 1:00 PM this afternoon. I know I am ready for the world to know all the facts that I know. Watch out, this could become interesting this afternoon.  Or not.

1. Pan fried chicken and mashed potatoes for lunch today. Yummy!
2. Finally realizing that I am who I am and even if I don’t like certain things about me, I’m still me. I may be down, but I’m not out.
3. When one door closes, another one opens-it may just take some time.
4. It’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all is a bunch of crap.
5. I may not have let go of the past yet, but the grip is loosening.
6. Exhaustion keeps my mind from wondering and definitely helps me sleep.
7. My attorney who keeps everything real, and gives me sound advise, both legally and personally.
8. I may not be patient, but I am getting better.
9. After a three week binge, I am back on the diet wagon (except for today’s fried chicken).
10. Realizing that it’s life’s simple pleasures that have gotten me thru the past nine months.
11. Hoping that the best is yet to come.

1. No work today except freelance. Got A LOT done.
2. Won Josh Turner tickets for mom and dad.
3. Interesting information today. We’ll see what happens.
4. October 28 is closing in. I’m ready. And so is my attorney. Just waiting on some vital documents.
5. Everything comes full circle.
6. From heartbreak comes inspiration.

1. Relaxing Sunday on the couch with my laptop.
2. Finishing up some long overdue projects.
3. Groceries in the kitchen.
4. Both the boys here with me.
5. No work tomorrow, a long overdue day off.
6. Still having the strength to ask the hard questions, but not sure if I’m ready for the answers.

1. A very good friend asking me to start writing my simple pleasures again. She made me realize that even with all the crap in my life, I still have simple pleasures every day, thanks Barb.
2. Bologna sandwich for breakfast, yummy.
3. Going to be sitting around a fire tonight with good friends, good food and good conversation.
4. Glad I was able to help a friend last night.
5. Just sitting back and waiting for the inevitable and almost making my peace with it. Like my mom has said, “It is kind of like a death, you know it’s coming but that doesn’t make it any easier.”

Picture perfect memories,
Scattered all around the floor.
Reaching for the phone cause, I can’t fight it any more.
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind.
For me it happens all the time.

It’s a quarter after one, I’m all alone and I need you now.
Said I wouldn’t come but I lost all control and I need you now.
And I don’t know how I can do without, I just need you now.

Another shot of whiskey, can’t stop looking at the door.
Wishing you’d come sweeping in the way you did before.
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind.
For me it happens all the time.

It’s a quarter after one, I’m a little drunk,
And I need you now.
Said I wouldn’t call but I lost all control and I need you now.
And I don’t know how I can do without, I just need you now.

Yes I’d rather hurt than feel nothing at all.
It’s a quarter after one, I’m all alone and I need you now.
And I said I wouldn’t call but I’m a little drunk and I need you now.
And I don’t know how I can do without, I just need you now.
I just need you now.
Oh baby I need you now.

The last month has been the most difficult time of my entire life. Granted, every day since January 19 has been hard, but this has been different. There are alot of things I can’t talk about yet, but the day when I can is coming soon. The facts that I have learned have totally rocked my world. They were unbelievable to me, they made me question everything about the last three years of my life. They made me question my ability to lead a normal life. They have also made me question how well I know people, or ever will. These facts made me furious, they made me sad, and they made me want to expose the truth. I’m still trying to make my peace with what I know. I still don’t know how I am going to handle it when the truth does come out. I don’t know what I’m going say, I definitely don’t know how I’m going to respond to all the questions I’m sure I will be asked. Of course, the truth is always the best answer, but the truth makes me look like an total idiot.

Hopefully very soon I will be able to go into all the details of what’s going on right now. I have to wait for the OK from my awesome attorney. Until then I am waiting very impatiently. To say I am antsy, jumpy and a basket case are an understatement. Hopefully this event will bring things to my hometown of Carmi, but that would be too good for me. But I can pray for it every day and night.

Meanwhile, certain people know they are living on borrowed time. If I’m stressed, I can only imagine the hell they are going through. But you know, once you make your bed you have to lie in it.

Just in case anybody might be looking for Charlie Gribble (or his partners in crime), here is a list of possible locations where he might be found on any given day or night.

420 Long Lane Rd
Equality, IL 62934-2047
Click here for a map.

2420 Hwy 34S
Harrisburg, IL
Click here for a map.

655 Genet Rd
Eldorado, IL 62930-3919
Click here for a map.

39 E Brookhaven Dr
Caseyville, IL 62232-2278
Click here for a map.

310 Blackman Hill Rd
Harrisburg, IL 62946-5701
Click here for a map.

1300 Highway 145 S
Harrisburg, IL 62946-5239
Click here for a map.

138B RR 1
Herod, IL 62947-9626
Click here for a map.

550 Womble Rd
Harrisburg, IL 62946-5460
Click here for a map.

Click here for a list of phone numbers. I can’t tell you which one to try first, but your first two guesses don’t count.

1 N Main Street,
Harrisburg, IL 62946
Click here for a map.

And just so you know, all this information is public record and just speculation on my part.

Now, if only the right people can find him. Oh, and if you need more information please feel free to contact me at julie@gribco.com anytime, and I will share any more information you might want or require.