Yeah, there is a boy now. And as much as I would love to go on and on about him, I won’t. He has asked me not to, so I won’t. I respect his privacy, but it’s going to make writing on here very difficult. I have wrote about everything in my life on this blog for a long time, and keeping him off of here will be tough. So this will be the one and only post about him.

It’s taken me a long time to let go—to let go of the past, the people in my past and the mistakes of my past. But something happened the weekend of my birthday. I don’t exactly know what minute of that weekend it happened, but it was definitely that weekend sometime. I’m over the hump. I have been pissed off for almost a year and I’m tired of it. I was letting the past control the future. I was over-thinking everything. I was playing the “what if” game with myself.

Now I’m living for today. I have stopped over-thinking. I’m going with my instincts. No more dwelling on the past, no more worrying, no more being scared of being hurt, no more trying to cause the hurt. I’m done with it all. Maybe I’m getting wiser with age. Maybe I have finally learned a lesson. Who knows and who cares. I know that right now I am actually content. I have finally started recognizing myself when I look in the mirror again, and I’m OK with what I see. I have figured out some of the things that make me happy and I have tried to cut out things that don’t. I am even beginning to like NASCAR (my guy is Clint Boyer in the Cheerios car). But as hard as I have tried I still can’t really enjoy watching UK basketball. It makes me think about my grandpa, and even though it’s been almost ten years since he died, I still think about him everyday. I carried his pocketwatch again today with me to court, as I have done every time I have been to court this past year.

Sure I know I’m not cured, and I know that I’m not perfect and neither is my life. And I know that every day isn’t going to be the greatest day of my life, but I have come to a new understanding of my life. I am learning to get over the bad things that have happened and I am learning how to celebrate the good things.

Who knows what tomorrow brings. I sure don’t. But I’m not sitting on the sidelines any more. I have been telling everybody that I’m back, but that’s not entirely true. I think the person that I am is still me, but it’s also new and improved. I still have some of the same flaws I have always had, but hopefully the good about me outweighs the bad.

Anyway, back to the boy. (Mom, you can ask me about him and I’ll tell you.) Me and him are having an exceptionally good time right now. I think we both know each other pretty good. Our crowd has told me we are both a lot alike. He can beat me every time at Wheel of Fortune at Brent and Tami’s, but we have yet to spar at Jeopardy, where I am confident that I will be victorious. I have no idea where this relationship might go and I don’t even care.  I have no preconceived expectations for this relationship. I’m good with how things are going.  But I have started missing him when he’s not around, and that concerns me. And my boys both adore him, especially the little one.

That’s all you get about him and me. Sorry. Maybe someday he will change his mind, but for now no more boy talk.