UsHow can I start this post, when I am going to put all of me out there? How do I expose all my weaknesses with dignity? It may not sound good, but here it is.

Most of you know I have been going thru my own private hell since January 19. To say it has been the hardest 10 months of my life is an understatement. I have learned things about myself that I am grateful for, but I have also learned things about my life that have made me physically ill. I have had euphoric highs and mind blowing lows. I have had the blessing of my awesome parents and kids, and my true friends have revealed themselves to me and pulled me thru the roughest days and nights. I have so much to be thankful for, but I still mourn all that has been lost.

I’m not happy yet, I don’t know if I ever will be again. Of course I know that everything will work out in the end, but I just don’t know when the end might be. I honestly believe what my mother says, “God doesn’t give you anything you can’t handle,” but good grief it’s gotten close a few times. Some days I’m strong, some days I’m not.

The last two weeks have been especially hard. I need something to happen that I have no control over, but it looks like it’s not coming to fruition. I know it will come sooner or later, I just wish it would happen before Wednesday at 9 a.m. There is nothing I can do to rush this along, but I wish there was.

Even though I know it would lead to nothing, I still want to have a conversation with Charlie Gribble. I have so many questions for him, as I am sure he does for me. It’s too bad his unpredictability and my order or protection against him will prevent this from ever happening.

You know, we were good together. We were both so happy. The world was ours for the taking.